priv·i·lege
[ˈpriv(ə)lij]
noun
a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group:
The first definition of this word, taken from the Online Oxford Dictionary, is fitting enough for this discussion. It is a pretty wide and encompassing definition, and that is apt, for there are many different kinds of privilege and many different ways of understanding just what privilege is. This can range from small, personal privileges such as a child having the privilege of screen time or a person having the privilege of having a little extra spending money, to huge all-encompassing privileges such as men never having to worry about walking down a street alone in broad daylight or white people never having to worry if the job they applied for will be turned down because of the color of their skin.
The privilege that I would like to discuss today is the privilege that certain groups of people in our society have, that they absolutely do not realize they have or understand it fully even if they have it brought to their attention. This is the privilege of ignorance, deniability and unawareness. What exactly does that mean? Well, imagine yourself part of a community. The community is mostly homogenous. People brought together out of an interest in some main subject. Perhaps it’s a religion. Perhaps it’s an activity. Perhaps it’s a lifestyle. Whatever it is, most people in this community think or believe that everyone else in it is pretty much on par with their own interests and beliefs and understandings. The people in this community are uninterested in being challenged on anything, wish to be left alone or unbothered by differences, and generally ignore anything that isn’t safe and unpleasant. Most of all, they are *allowed* to be. They’ve built a wall or fence, either real or metaphorical, to make sure that their system goes untouched. This, my friends, is a privilege of ignorance.
The problem is, building that fence and ignoring reality doesn’t make the reality go away. That reality will, eventually, come to you no matter how strongly you wish it to stay away or how forcefully you try to keep it at bay, and when you allow yourself the privilege of ignoring the matter, you fail to build the tools and understanding you need for the acceptance and change you need to allow yourself in order for your tidy little world to not come crashing down around you, and believe me, it will. Eventually.
A huge part of this privilege of ignorance is the belief that you can push aside harmful policies and ideas by playing both sides of the issue and just being kind and pleasant to the people whose policies and ideas are so dangerous. That as long as YOU aren’t too affected, it’s perfectly ok to say “Hey, I don’t care what they believe in, they are nice enough to ME.”. Privilege. The problem is that far more people are negatively affected not only by those harmful things, but also by your apathy towards their plight(s). A person that claims to be able to put aside differences for the sake of acquaintances, friendships, business relationships, et al is a person of privilege, because believe you me, we can’t all do that.
As an aromantic, asexual human, I am consistently surrounded by the privileged folk that belong to the heteronormative standard of our society. I get to witness firsthand how ignorant people can be when it comes to the wide spectrum of human sexuality. People that will get absolutely upset when gay people publicly display affection will, without even a THOUGHT towards the hypocrisy of it, publicly display their own. They not only subconsciously (and consciously) see it as permissive, they see it as necessary and a right, all while scowling at anyone different from them displaying the same. Privilege.
As a nudist, I am consistently surrounded by the privileged folk that belong to the societal beauty standards of our society. I get to witness firsthand just how ignorant people can be when it comes to the wide spectrum of body types and shapes and sizes, or, if not ignorant, fully appalled or disgusted by it. Not just non-nudists, but nudists themselves that will openly and casually mock anyone that doesn’t fit a specific mold of human body that they believe to be the correct one. This ranges from white nudists that don’t want people of color in their spaces to nudists that believe only ‘fit’ and muscular bodies are the correct way to be nude, to nudists complaining that too many people on a beach aren’t ‘tan’ enough. (Yes, this is a thing.). These people do this with very little to NO pushback. Privilege.
A recent discussion I had put this whole thing into sharp perspective for me. Knowing as I do just how awful a lot of nudist resorts and clubs can be about their privilege, I stepped into a discussion about whether it’s ok or not for people to display political or ideological imagery/statements in nudist spaces. My position is that I prefer when people do, as I can then make better informed decisions as to whether or not I want to include myself in those spaces. I didn’t attack anyone’s personal beliefs or ideas, at the time, I just stated that there are certain things I, myself, would rather not surround myself with and having the ability to see what people are about is better.
Well, I was met with a certain extensive vitriol from a couple of people who believed that the only course of action to a ‘happy’ life was learning to ignore people’s ideas and policies and just get along with everyone. When I pointed out that that was a privileged point of view, well… Let’s just say blocking became my friend. Yet it IS a privileged point of view, as I’ve explained above… but the idea that someone can just put aside dangerous philosophies and not have to worry about the fallout and then simply not understand just how privileged that view is is ridiculous. Not only that, it’s dangerous in itself. I’m LGBTQIA+ and am a strong ally to transgender people. If I just started being friends with people that supported politicians and powerful people that had policies that hurt or put LGBTQIA+ and trans people in danger, I would be absolutely no better than those politicians and powerful people. You simply cannot pretend that these things aren’t happening, just because you, yourself, don’t have the strength to stand up to them. That you CAN, is privilege.
Unfortunately, we’re in a society right now that absolutely doesn’t respect people for doing the right thing. My standing up to bullies and people like the ones with the privilege to ignore awfulness for the sense of ‘safety’ tends to make me extremely unpopular. I’m labelled as “angry”. I’m considered a threat. I’m called an instigator, or worse. I get blocked and ignored and get looked down upon. All because I want people to be better people, but the people that aren’t great people are very protective about their privilege to be awful people… and so it goes.
Perhaps one day, we can start to turn the tables on this. I don’t have much hope right now. It’s frustrating to be consistently and constantly met with hatred, apathy and derision when I try to point out where people could starting positive change, simply because too many are comfortable in their ignorance or shelter, but if I was to stop just because it was hard or frustrating, I would be doing myself and everyone around me that has to deal with the fallout of this apathy and hatred no good. I’d be failing them, and myself.
I don’t want to do that.
Even if it makes me unpopular. Popularity is a disease anyway.