Oh boy… Positivity. That word doesn’t sit in my brain very well. It’s a rather large flaw of mine, and one that I have such a hard time combating. Positivity. It’s like an elusive cryptid to me. A beast ever just on the fringe of reality, but I *know* it exists, I’ve seen it. I’ve experienced it, but ask most of the people in my life if it exists for me and they’d probably laugh.
I come from a long family line of pessimists. The only real optimist I ever knew growing up was my father, and he turned out to be a Narcissistic Sociopathic rapist, and that association kind of sticks, you know? Optimism? Why, that’s just for people that have convinced themselves they’re the greatest gift the world has ever seen while simultaneously ruining the lives of everyone around them. Positivity. HAH.
Yet there is something to be said for it. The best days I have are when I finally get the ability to let go of everything that bothers me (and that’s a LOT), and just start having fun for the sake of having fun. Ironically, these days are usually days that I end up utterly and entirely by myself… but not always. On Tuesday, August 27, 2024, I had such a day. A day where I ended up on a beach after a half-day at work with glorious weather and the place all to myself. Quite literally. I saw not ONE other soul the entire afternoon. (With one exception, a friend did pop down to visit for about 20 minutes).
After a couple of really good beer, I decided to just goof around with some photography. Nothing major, just a few iPhone shots of me posing. Looking for fun drawing ideas. Being a bit of silly goose. I enjoyed myself thoroughly, and for a few hours I didn’t think of anything bad. Not once. Not really.
I wish I could get there more often you know. It’s exhausting to be frustrated and sad and angry and disappointed all the time. My empathy runs me too much, and watching a world burn down around me is devastating, yet somehow I have to keep trying to remember that there IS good around me. That fun can be had. That I don’t have to spend every waking moment resenting the meatbags that call themselves human that surround me constantly. I’m hoping to have another one of those days tomorrow. Today is a work day, and positivity is almost next to impossible to achieve THERE, but tomorrow is a day off. I am meeting a friend on Wreck Beach. The weather is once again supposed to be amazing. So perhaps I’ll have more wonderful stories later this week… but for now, enjoy a few goofy self-portraits with me will you? Just a naked guy enjoying a natural world the way nature intended. I know that that idiom can get old, but it’s just so… so true. How we’ve lost our way on this so bad is beyond me.
