I recently read an article on Substack from a person that, in general and simplistic terms, lamented the lack of maturity from the nudist community (or communities) when it came to dealing with humanity as sexual entities within nudist spaces. This person wrote about how they kept coming up to a wall when dealing with nudist communities on this subject, that it didn’t seem to matter how much they talked about it, or posted about it, it just never seemed to make any difference. I can relate to that, myself, in many ways. I feel the same way as that in regards to nudity ITSELF, but also in a way that I can tie directly to this article.
In the article, the person basically puts it on the nudist community as being staunchly anti-sex, which, in their words, feels like this is having “a negative impact on my own enjoyment and appreciation for the sexual side of nudity… it’s making me feel disconnected from myself, from my body.” They go on to explain why, indeed, the human body IS sexual, and I agree with all that they say there. The problem is, they don’t present enough of the opposite side of the argument. In fact, it feels to me like there might be a little bit of bias on putting a little too much blame on one side, without much thought on WHY the nudist community has (and I agree, in many ways) turned too strong a hand against sex in nudism.
The emphasis seems to be on having an ability to be honest, mature and open about sex and sexual practice in humanity and in nudism specifically. However, this is not just inherently a problem with nudists being non-sexual or even anti-sex. This is a problem with all aspects of humanity, and I posit that the side that is the most immature is the side of the sex-positive. Starkly, there is simply a massive reason most nudists and nudist communities rail against sex being a part of the movement, and that reason is that too many people, mostly men, have absolutely no ability to be mature or respectful about their sexual nature, their sexual desires or their sexual activities in nudist spaces. Respect and maturity is a two-way street, and while neither side of this particular battle in nudism has been very respectful, one side at least errs on the side of being protective of those that are far too frequently victims of sexual assault and harassment.
The thing is, I get it. I get why many people want nudist communities to be more open, understanding and respectful of sex and sexuality. Staunch anti-sex stances can lead to abuse, harassment and vilification themselves. These stances can be seen in the consistent and constant attacks and belittlement of LGBTQIA+ communities and persons, are often used to belittle and attack men that might get unwanted erections at unfortunate times, even if there is no ill-intent meant by it, can be used to shame and attack women that might have certain body adornments or who don’t act in demure or ‘appropriate’ manners as deemed by males that use ‘non-sexual’ as a cover for ‘dominant ownership’… the list goes on. So yes, we desperately need to find a way to understand that sex and sexuality is natural and present and part of the human experience. Yet putting the blame on nudists for wanting to be completely disassociated with it is disingenuous at best.
For me, if you’re going to talk about being constantly frustrated by nudism’s anti-sex rhetoric, you need to also delve into the side of things that have sent nudism into that spiral to begin with. While the article briefly touched on part of this, where they briefly mentioned a post being bookended by soft-core porn images, they didn’t delve into the meat of the subject at all. The side of this is the utter and contemptuous bombardment of sexual and pornographic imagery, comment and innuendo that attaches itself to almost every form of nudist community that I have been a part of, at least online. In person, it’s far easier to keep things more natural and respectful. In person, if someone misbehaves, they get dealt with quite immediately, but there are also allowances for talking about sex. Many nudists on Wreck Beach are pretty free with discussing their sexual escapades if they are among friends or people that they are familiar with. It’s just the same as in any environment that isn’t nudist. We discuss whatever is age or gender appropriate in regards to sex, but generally have a more keen sense of responsibility about who is around us when doing so.
Not online. Oh no. Online nudist communities are a smorgasbord of unsavory people doing unsavory things. Often injecting their sex filled or sex implied posts and comments at every opportunity, basically daring anyone to say anything or do anything, and quite often getting incensed or combative when asked to stop, until such a time as they (sometimes) get banned or blocked and then suddenly they are the victim, simply for being ‘sex positive’ or claiming to have been oppressed simply for accepting that ‘sex is natural’. It’s a constant and unending battle that goes far beyond wanting to be mature and accepting. These same people, unfortunately, are often the same ones that belittle and attack gay and transgender people simply for existing, insisting that THEY are the ones shoving sex in our faces all while continually commenting on how hot some woman might be because they dared posted a nude photo of themselves on their social media.
When faced with something like this, is it no wonder that communities will want to put up a wall? That many nudists will want to say ‘enough is enough!’ Yes, some go too far. I’ve been guilty of it myself, although I do strive to find some sense of balance in it all. Yet in the end, if it actually had to come down to banning all mention of sex and sexual activity altogether in order to keep (mostly) men from making nudist spaces not only uncomfortable, but downright dangerous, for women and children, because we simply cannot convince these people to be respectful and mature, then I have to say I’m on the side of building that wall. Let me reiterate though, I would rather not build that wall. I’d rather that wall not be there. I, and many others, are fully and perfectly capable of handling a mature and respectful relationship with sex within nudism. Would that many many many others could as well, but when I have personally been pushed out of just about every single online nudist community I’ve been a part of because too many people force far too much sexual imagery and content into those spaces with very little pushback or moderation, then I too begin to feel frustrated and like I’m hitting a wall… but not a wall built intended to preserve and protect… rather like a wall of bulldozer blades demolishing the rainforest, and nudists are the tribes within.
So when those tribes try to put up signs saying “Stop the Bulldozers!” we need to listen, and if a few put up signs saying “Kill the Bulldozer drivers!” we need to try to understand that while that messaging is harmful and wrong, there’s a real reason behind it regardless, and we still need to listen.
Maybe, you know, don’t listen so literally.