Oh, emotions. Those silly little things that tend to creep up on us and control so many aspects of our lives and existences. For the last little while, I’ve been suffering under another bout of unlooked for and surprising anger. I just seem to be angry at everything over the last 4 days. Angry at myself. Angry at my art. Angry at work. Angry that I need to eat. Angry at life itself…. and this happens from time to time. Usually with no warning, and usually with no real trigger.
I can usually sort of pinpoint a general sense of when my extreme emotions surface (and I get them all!), but never really any true specific point. This latest round began shortly after I made some decisions that kept me away from doing things I wanted to do. The decisions weren’t bad decisions. They mostly ended up being the right decisions, but it didn’t stop me from starting a bit of a spiral. Then when some minor things didn’t go the way I really wanted them to, well… boom.
What’s funny is that I’m not like many people in our society. Most of us have been taught from day one to try and suppress emotions, aren’t we? Don’t cry. Stop shouting. Don’t throw a tantrum. We are happy in this space. Don’t rock the boat. Why are you like this? I could spend all day writing out little responses. The point is, society simply doesn’t appreciate when people show emotions other than something that makes them feel good, and even then, if it’s prolonged, it can be a problem. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard someone say, “That person is WAY TOO HAPPY.”. Like, really? You were just complaining a few moments ago how moody that other person is, what do you want? Robots?
Well, yes. I think that’s what a lot of people DO want. Static, comfortable, easy to deal with robots. Well, that’s not me. I wear my emotions openly, and boy howdy does it get me in trouble some of the time. Not long ago, after a response on Bluesky to one of my posts, which was a very passive aggressive response to say the least, I responded with anger towards the person, as I did not appreciate being treated in such a manner, then I blocked them. I came to learn not long after that this said person, whom I had had a number of run-ins with on Twitter, decided that I was simply “An angry person that was never going to feel joy in my life”. Uh huh.
Thing is, I’m not an angry PERSON. I’m a person that can get angry. That’s a huge difference, and usually when I do get angry, there IS a reason behind it, especially if that anger is directed towards a person or persons and not just being screamed out into the void. If I am angry with you, you can be almost assured that you have done something to deserve it. Not always, no, not always, but it’s a high percentage.
That remains true for all my emotions. I’m an incredibly empathic person. I feel with and for just about anyone that comes into my sphere of feeling. I have a difficult time brushing off the hurts of others, and this world at the moment is just so chalk full of hurts… so yes, at times it can really seem like I might be a ‘negative’ kind of person, but overall I’m really not.
Yet that’s the tag that general society loves to throw on people that are quick to feel and show those feelings. We are frightened of the emotional. We attribute emotions to lack of control, to inferiority, to weakness. We especially do this to women, after spending decades teaching little girls that it’s ok to feel, and little boys that it is not. Self-fulfilling prophecy. Boys are strong, girls are weak. When boys cry it’s a failure, when girls cry it’s ‘just a woman thing’. It’s all complete and utter manufactured bullshit.
It’s beyond time that we try and wake up to the fact that emotions aren’t only natural, they’re necessary, and that when people experience and present them, we must absolutely not make that situation become a full personality trait. A person raging against injustice is not “an angry person”. A person crying in grief is not “Sad and depressive”. A person bouncing around laughing at everything is not a “bizarre lunatic”. They are all just people feeling what people feel when people need to feel it, and we need to start embracing that…. because as our current events show, forcing those emotions into hiding and treating robotic people like strong hero types can only lead us to disaster.