I’m super pissed off today. Pissed off at myself. Pissed off at technology. Pissed off in general. I had an absolutely shitty weekend. I never did get out to a beach yesterday. Mostly because of my mood and feeling a little physically ill. Partly because I’m just so tired of it all. Tired of trying to cram so much shit I have to do into 2 measly fucking days a week when the other 5 days are primarily taken up by slaving away in a job I need just to stay ALMOST afloat in a world increasingly out of my reach to stay afloat on. I’m the castaway and self-sufficiency is Wilson, drifting out into the open ocean, and I cannot catch him.
To further my anger, I cannot do what I want to do on this stupid motherfucking idiotic website because I simply don’t have the ability to parse information properly anymore and correctly figure shit out in order to get it to work the way I want it to work. I’ve tried for over an hour this morning to set up ONE FUCKING MEASLY FUCKING STUPID FUCKING GALLERY… and I can’t. Nothing I do works. Nothing I do even comes close. I’m ready to throw rocks through all my screens and throw my PC off a roof and kill people.
And it isn’t even about the gallery. Not really. I’ve been heading down this road for awhile. I was able to let drawing get in the way of it for a bit, and maybe I even was genuinely a little better for it, but no longer. This weekend sucked everything out of me. Everything.
I have no energy left. I have no desire. I have no passion. No inspiration. No will.
It’s all just so useless.